More Memories of Aviv
I'm still awake.
I am working on a project tonight, but V slept earlier than usual. So, here I am, watching some of the videos we have of Aviv. I feel like a lunatic, smiling, and then bawling-- then smiling again. I miss my daughter so much. I want to see her face, her reactions towards the things she encounters. But whenever I look at her photos, I am overcome with extreme sadness.
There are some things that I'm remembering now, of when Aviv was still alive. She had so many guardians-- in the form of strangers, even. One was this woman, who, as we carried Aviv in our baby sling while we waited for a taxi, came up to us and told us to take extra care when using a sling. Another was this little boy. V used to see him walk by our street with his puppy. V observed that the boy had command over his puppy (which was an aspin), too. One night, while we tried to lull Aviv to sleep, there was a knock on the door. It was the boy (with his puppy). He asked if we had spare shorts for him, because his was dirty and he wanted to shower and change his shorts. Unfortunately, we didn't have one that could fit him. So he went away without a change of clothes. I don't think we ever saw him again after that. But I found it really strange that, of all the units at our compound", he knocked on our door. I don't know... I just remembered that. I don't even really know how I can say that the boy was a guardian. But during that time, I just had this strange feeling.
Aviv's name came to me suddenly. Granted, I did a bit of researching. But both her names sort of just came to me. And when I asked V about it, he loved the name right away.
Aviv also had her needs provided. From the essentials that we received from family and friends, to the contests that we won in birthing class, to the natural and practical birthing experience we shared, down to the breast milk that nourished her. Maybe it was so, that we won't have to worry about those things anymore. We were spared of the worry for her "everyday needs", so we could focus and enjoy her life.
I am working on a project tonight, but V slept earlier than usual. So, here I am, watching some of the videos we have of Aviv. I feel like a lunatic, smiling, and then bawling-- then smiling again. I miss my daughter so much. I want to see her face, her reactions towards the things she encounters. But whenever I look at her photos, I am overcome with extreme sadness.
There are some things that I'm remembering now, of when Aviv was still alive. She had so many guardians-- in the form of strangers, even. One was this woman, who, as we carried Aviv in our baby sling while we waited for a taxi, came up to us and told us to take extra care when using a sling. Another was this little boy. V used to see him walk by our street with his puppy. V observed that the boy had command over his puppy (which was an aspin), too. One night, while we tried to lull Aviv to sleep, there was a knock on the door. It was the boy (with his puppy). He asked if we had spare shorts for him, because his was dirty and he wanted to shower and change his shorts. Unfortunately, we didn't have one that could fit him. So he went away without a change of clothes. I don't think we ever saw him again after that. But I found it really strange that, of all the units at our compound", he knocked on our door. I don't know... I just remembered that. I don't even really know how I can say that the boy was a guardian. But during that time, I just had this strange feeling.
Aviv's name came to me suddenly. Granted, I did a bit of researching. But both her names sort of just came to me. And when I asked V about it, he loved the name right away.
Aviv also had her needs provided. From the essentials that we received from family and friends, to the contests that we won in birthing class, to the natural and practical birthing experience we shared, down to the breast milk that nourished her. Maybe it was so, that we won't have to worry about those things anymore. We were spared of the worry for her "everyday needs", so we could focus and enjoy her life.
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